Say What?

So last Saturday’s ultrasound sucked.  I wasn’t ready, although I had four follicles, none of them were big enough.  Rescheduled for a repeat ultrasound 3 days later and I had two!  19.5 mm and 21 mm, one on each side–WOOHOO!!!  The Moonster said they would both release, so that ups our ante this cycle!  We sexed it up the day of my trigger shot, did an IUI Wednesday, another one on Thursday, and sexed it up on Thursday too.  We did everything possible to ensure pregnancy this cycle…and if it doesn’t happen, I am going to be truly bummed.  I am feeling super optimistic this time.  Big Daddy’s counts were stellar!

I can’t take a HPT until February 24…OMG.  I may very well die of anticipation these next two weeks!!  Last time I took a test every single day, and I believe I had a chemical pregnancy.  Absolutely devastated me.  This time, I would rather not know and just have a negative test.  I can’t deal with losing more babies.

Oh!  The Moonster started me on Progesterone suppositories this cycle.  Joy Oh Joy.  I can barely contain my excitement of the feeling of my moonie being glued together.  Yuck.  The best part–if we get pregnant this cycle, I get to continue them!  I stocked up on panty liners just in case.  Woot!

Reading a friend’s blog, I came across this 30 day list–and I decided to try it out.  I don’t blog daily, obviously, but hell if it takes me a year to do this, that’s ok too!  I am leaving the entire list on here so I have something to come back too!

Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself.
Day 02 → Something you love about yourself.
Day 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 04 → Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 05 → Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 06 → Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 07 → Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 08 → Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
Day 09 → Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10 → Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11 → Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12 → Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13 → A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)
Day 14 → A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15 → Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16 → Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17 → A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18 → Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19 → What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20 → Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21 → (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22 → Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23 → Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24 → Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25 → The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26 → Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27 → What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28 → What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29 → Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30 → A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself

So….something I hate about myself.  Should it be physical or mental or what?  I think this will be an obvious answer.  I hate that I can’t get pregnant, despite the fact of having no problems in the past.  I hate that my body is revolting against me and won’t cooperate.  I hate that we have to spend our money for infertility treatments and we have to make a million trips over an hour away–and I hate how no one seems to understand our pain.

I hate that this is happening and there is not one damn thing I can do about it.  I hate the fact we can’t conceive a baby without medical intervention.

So there, that is what I hate about myself…

Perhaps my next post will be more uplifting, but don’t hold your breath.

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About sweetmamaj

I'm a busy working mama to one fabulous, divine, one-of-a-kind daughter, Miss Drama Queen. Her hell-on-wheels sister joined us in 2013. I've been married to my husband, Big Daddy J, for many many years. We're navigating this life with white-knuckles, balls of steel, and heart-stopping moments. If you don't like what I write or if it offends you, then don't read it. It's that simple.
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One Response to Say What?

  1. Molly says:

    I would like to thank you for the visual of your glued-together moonie, lol.

    Good luck this month, sweets. I’m pullin’ for ya! xoxo

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