This cycle is it. Best cycle ever–I had 5 follies—5!!! My lining was perfect, Big Daddy’s counts were fabulous…I just feel it. This is it!! We got the “extremely high chance for multiples” speech and you know what? That’s ok–I’m ready for them. Because if we have twins, we’re done. No more stressing about trying to have another baby–we’ll be done! Although Big Daddy says if we would have twin girls we may have to try for a boy, but um…I’m the one pushing out the babies and I’m pretty sure I get the final say in that matter.
We find out in two weeks if it worked. These two weeks are the longest of my life, seriously. I do have work to keep me busy, but it’s still hard to keep my mind from churning.
Oh! We found a house, finally!! It is so much nicer than the one we’re in now and way better than the one the realtor gave to the old geezer instead of us. But anyhow–it’s a 3 bedroom, 2 bath brick ranch, with a full basement and double attached garage and lots of yard to play! It is just beautiful with all hardwood floors (except the living/dining room) and we are very blessed to come upon it. Apparently my ad in the newspaper paid off! We’ll be moving May 1st–I seriously cannot wait.
So finding a new house, coupled with a friggin fabulous cycle has me thinking March is our month. Has to be. If this cycle worked, my due date would be December 4, five days shy of my previous due date. Big Daddy and I have been through so much that I am hoping God gives us a break. A for real break. Please.
Drama Queen has started T Ball and it’s so hilarious to watch. She loves it though, which is good. No crying out on the field, no shyness, just cat-like reflexes pouncing on the ball as it rolls towards her.
To go on with my list, something I need to forgive myself for. Oh my gosh, there are so many things, but the main one sticking out in my mind is Peyton. I know losing our baby isn’t my fault, that sometimes it “just happens”, but I can’t help but think I could have done something different…It’s been almost a year and I still get choked up thinking about Peyton. It’s not fair, it’s just not.
I do need to forgive myself, but I can’t entirely. Because I feel if I place the blame on me, it makes me less angry at God for taking our baby. I can blame myself and try to not be so accusatory towards Him.